Meaning of Flowers
Absinth - makes the heart grow fonder.
Allspice - and everything nice is what little girls
are made of.
Baby's Breath - is fine as long as the little bugger
is not puking.
Bittersweet - is an oxymoron of a scent as opposed
to an ox who is a moron.
Blue Bell - is a kind of margarine that grows wild
in Wisconsin.
Buttercup - is the name of anyone's first horse, or
should be.
Cactus - is the perfect plant for those with a brown
thumb, black thumb or thumb up their butts.
Cardinal Flower - has a red crest and looks magnificent
against the snow.
Carnation - instant drink mix that doubles as a flower.
Chlamydia - clap on, clap off as this is a particular
flower you don't want to smell.
Chrysanthemum - a word you only wish you could say
five times real fast.
Clover - is what breaks your fall when you've had
too much to drink on St. Patty's Day.
Crocus - what Deep Throat had when he was talking
about Watergate.
Daffodil - what anyone should call their first cat,
boy or girl.
Dahlia - if she's black she'll kill you as if you
were a little tiny bug, oh yeah.
Daisy - is the plant that other people end up driving
to the market when they retire.
Dandelion - simply means a fine lion.
Dogwood - the husband to Blondie - I thought I already
covered this?
Elderberry - is an old berry.
Fennel - is what you put in your mouth on Spring Break
to drink beer through.
Fern - the name of your aunt who drinks too much during
the holidays and gropes herself.
Fir - tree that is really fuzzy.
Gardenia - is the name of all flowers in Italy.
Geranium - is the only radioactive flower known to
mankind. Oh, yeah, that is the meaning.
Heather - hot models and actresses are named this.
Hibiscus - is the opposite of low biscuit that has
violated the five second rule on the floor.
Holly - you see balls of her around Christmas time
and she is a Hunter as well.
Honeysuckle - is just a name you enjoy saying over
and over again, especially with a lisp.
Hyacinth - is how you greet your friend, Cynthia.
Iris - is a plant that always looks you in the eye.
Ivy - will give you a rash every time you get drunk
and roll in her. See Chlamydia for a reference.
Jasmine - means literally "a flower bearing no
resemblance to Michael Jackson".
Laurel - is the complementary flower to Hardy.
Lilac - is the back end of a Cadillac.
Lily - means figuratively "lily-livered coward"
in cartoon-speak.
Lotus - is the flower of Yoga that makes people sit
in funny positions.
Magnolia - is the pet name for a 357 magnum in the
hood.
Marigold - is what happens when Mary had a little
lamb's evil sister Helga turned her into a precious metal.
Mistletoe - is a fine plant at Christmas time for
lovers and hell for the oblivious.
Mimosa - is a little drink common at weddings.
Narcissus - means "I know you're always talking
about me".
Oleander - the meaning of this flower is only known
to Norse gods and pimply Irishmen.
Orange Blossom - is known to mean the bosom of Anita
Bryant.
Pansy - is what Anita Bryant raged against while drinking
a nice, fresh glass of juice.
Passionflower - is a plant that has to hug and hump
another plant. True story.
Peony - is much more socially acceptable than pee
on me.
Periwinkle - is the long, lost meth-crazed cousin
of Bullwinkle.
Poinsettia - is the only flower that Johnny Carson
could never pronounce.
Poppy - Bullwinkle's cousin used to indulge in this
plant as well.
Queen Anne's Lace - is often thought of as a pansy.
Rose - is the perfect flower. And, The Donald is its
thorn.
Rosemary - the original Clooney before George came
along.
Salvia - is the stuff that drips out of your mouth
when you've been over medicated.
Spearmint - means literally "one who likes to
spear little mints".
Sunflower - is a large plant with the original happy
face before Forrest Gump came along and put it on t-shirts.
Thyme - waits for no man.
Tiger Lily - is the female cousin of the Tony Lily
who flakes out a lot while eating cereal. Also related to
Lily Tomlin.
Tulip - is a flower with a hair lip.
Violet - is an act of assault within the plant kingdom.
Wallflower - is a particular variety of teenage plant
that grows at high school dances.
Water Lily - is a particular plant that likes to pee
in the pool.
Xeranthemum - Okay, fill in your own joke here, because
I got nothing.
Yarrow - is how plants answer the phone as in "Yarrow,
Mr. Plant speaking."
Zinnia - is the feminizing of Zen Buddhism.
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