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Meaning of Flowers

The meaning of flowers has long tickled the fancy of man ever since man (and woman) knew they had parts perfectly acceptable to tickling. Ever since Dogwood Bumstead decided to grace the funny pages or Rosie O to grace The Donald's ire, the meaning of flower names has flourished within the media.

But the meaning of flowers is not confined to the visual, oh reader, no! The meaning of flowers and their eloquent botanical yet diabolical names transcends time, place, space and the temporal functions of our brains and posterior cavities.

So, sit back on your posterior for a while and partake of the top flower name meanings presented with humor on this page. I dare say, you may even go so far as to enjoy yourself just a tad.


Meaning of Flowers

Absinth - makes the heart grow fonder.

Allspice - and everything nice is what little girls are made of.

Baby's Breath - is fine as long as the little bugger is not puking.

Bittersweet - is an oxymoron of a scent as opposed to an ox who is a moron.

Blue Bell - is a kind of margarine that grows wild in Wisconsin.

Buttercup - is the name of anyone's first horse, or should be.

Cactus - is the perfect plant for those with a brown thumb, black thumb or thumb up their butts.

Cardinal Flower - has a red crest and looks magnificent against the snow.

Carnation - instant drink mix that doubles as a flower.

Chlamydia - clap on, clap off as this is a particular flower you don't want to smell.

Chrysanthemum - a word you only wish you could say five times real fast.

Clover - is what breaks your fall when you've had too much to drink on St. Patty's Day.

Crocus - what Deep Throat had when he was talking about Watergate.

Daffodil - what anyone should call their first cat, boy or girl.

Dahlia - if she's black she'll kill you as if you were a little tiny bug, oh yeah.

Daisy - is the plant that other people end up driving to the market when they retire.

Dandelion - simply means a fine lion.

Dogwood - the husband to Blondie - I thought I already covered this?

Elderberry - is an old berry.

Fennel - is what you put in your mouth on Spring Break to drink beer through.

Fern - the name of your aunt who drinks too much during the holidays and gropes herself.

Fir - tree that is really fuzzy.

Gardenia - is the name of all flowers in Italy.

Geranium - is the only radioactive flower known to mankind. Oh, yeah, that is the meaning.

Heather - hot models and actresses are named this.

Hibiscus - is the opposite of low biscuit that has violated the five second rule on the floor.

Holly - you see balls of her around Christmas time and she is a Hunter as well.

Honeysuckle - is just a name you enjoy saying over and over again, especially with a lisp.

Hyacinth - is how you greet your friend, Cynthia.

Iris - is a plant that always looks you in the eye.

Ivy - will give you a rash every time you get drunk and roll in her. See Chlamydia for a reference.

Jasmine - means literally "a flower bearing no resemblance to Michael Jackson".

Laurel - is the complementary flower to Hardy.

Lilac - is the back end of a Cadillac.

Lily - means figuratively "lily-livered coward" in cartoon-speak.

Lotus - is the flower of Yoga that makes people sit in funny positions.

Magnolia - is the pet name for a 357 magnum in the hood.

Marigold - is what happens when Mary had a little lamb's evil sister Helga turned her into a precious metal.

Mistletoe - is a fine plant at Christmas time for lovers and hell for the oblivious.

Mimosa - is a little drink common at weddings.

Narcissus - means "I know you're always talking about me".

Oleander - the meaning of this flower is only known to Norse gods and pimply Irishmen.

Orange Blossom - is known to mean the bosom of Anita Bryant.

Pansy - is what Anita Bryant raged against while drinking a nice, fresh glass of juice.

Passionflower - is a plant that has to hug and hump another plant. True story.

Peony - is much more socially acceptable than pee on me.

Periwinkle - is the long, lost meth-crazed cousin of Bullwinkle.

Poinsettia - is the only flower that Johnny Carson could never pronounce.

Poppy - Bullwinkle's cousin used to indulge in this plant as well.

Queen Anne's Lace - is often thought of as a pansy.

Rose - is the perfect flower. And, The Donald is its thorn.

Rosemary - the original Clooney before George came along.

Salvia - is the stuff that drips out of your mouth when you've been over medicated.

Spearmint - means literally "one who likes to spear little mints".

Sunflower - is a large plant with the original happy face before Forrest Gump came along and put it on t-shirts.

Thyme - waits for no man.

Tiger Lily - is the female cousin of the Tony Lily who flakes out a lot while eating cereal. Also related to Lily Tomlin.

Tulip - is a flower with a hair lip.

Violet - is an act of assault within the plant kingdom.

Wallflower - is a particular variety of teenage plant that grows at high school dances.

Water Lily - is a particular plant that likes to pee in the pool.

Xeranthemum - Okay, fill in your own joke here, because I got nothing.

Yarrow - is how plants answer the phone as in "Yarrow, Mr. Plant speaking."

Zinnia - is the feminizing of Zen Buddhism.


There you have it, the meaning of flowers defined from A to Z. The names of these flowers and their meanings have been satirized and parodied to the point where there is no point and where the flowers themselves are unrecognizable. Then again, using the list above, sending flowers for Mother's Day will probably make Mom blush, so there.

For the further meaning of flowers and their etymological and biological names, read the dictionary or at least a rhyming thesaurus. Remember, botany can kill you. Don't eat the daisies and know all mushroom derivatives before you put them into your mouth. That is all.

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