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Christian Meaning of Names

The Christian meaning of names have long been debated as far as etymology, genealogy and zoology. But, fear not, dear reader and I have put together a totally silly and inaccurate, if not humorous and funny Christian meaning of names list.

So, if you would like these names to be deciphered for you then read on. These meanings of Christian names is a top list and by no way complete. Send in your own funny variation if you have one.


Christian Meaning of Names

Abel is an old biblical term meaning "I am able to tackle the pigs."
Adam is a 3,000 year old term and the shortening of "madam."
Amos means "see Andy".
Andy means "see Amos".

Barnabas is the old biblical term for the "Son of Barnaby Jones".
Benjamin means "Big Money" in Hebrew.

Caleb is the next door neighbor brat who has a crush on your 13-year-old daughter.
Cornelius means "one-eyed giant" with a large cornea.

Darius is an ancient name for Hootie.
Daniel means "Chosen by God and Elton John".
David means "one with big stones."
Deborah is the shortened term for "Queen bee of a Seinfeld movie".
Delilah stands for "in the harem of Tom Jones."

Elijah was a wooden Indian standing by the door.
Emanuel means physical labor by Baptists.
Esther is the short name for Mole Esther who was a bad, bad woman.
Ethan is a hawk of a name.
Eve is short for the evening of Adam's short term of happiness.
Ezekiel is short for "Zeke of the creek" a water nymph.
Ezra will pound you into the ground.

Gabriel means "Gabby Angel who cannot keep a secret".
Gideon means pigeon toed in Yiddish.

Hannah is an old biblical term for "Hand it over, Satan!"
Hagar is translated into "Horrible" in eleven cartoon languages.
Hazel means "Nazareth people with multi-color eyes".
Hosanna is the Old Testament term for "The Highest One you don't mess with".

Isaac - Hayes the Lord!
Isaiah means, "I say a old chap, do you know where one can get a pint to drink around here?"

Jacob is the Roman term for "corn on the cob."
Jeremiah was a bullfrog and that's all you need to know.
Job is the name for one who is fully employed.
Jonah always does a whale of a good job.
Joseph is prophesized to mean "thou shalt be a carpenter, sing 'If I had a hammer' and be related to Karen Carpenter.
Joshua judges Ruth so is there any more to say?

Lazarus means wake up you sleeping fool because you don't want to become that Sleepy Hollow guy, do you?
Levi means "pants" in Christian lore.
Luke is the Christian term for "I am not your father."
Lois common denominator, oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Malachi is a kind of rock in old Jewish times.
Mary means "Immaculate conception for the stubborn one".
Matthew is the formal name for "Matt the brat".
Michael is the Jordan of old Christian names.

Naomi means "put me on a Campbell's soup can".
Nebuchadezzer is the affectionate term for "Scrooge you!"
Noah is the old Christian term for someone who will find the "Ark of the Convenant".

Orpah is the misspelling of Oprah!

Paul is a small and tall and will fall on a ball.
Peter is the tender of the roosters.
Philip my car with petrol.

Rebekah is the Christian name for "burning bush or OMG my hair is on fire!"
Ruth is the Old Jerusalem term for "chocolate covered nugget."

Samuel is short for "Sam I am" who was counting money at the temple one day.
Sarah is the princess of all that is dark, light gray or plaid.
Seth is the shortened name for "Who saideth so?"
Simon must tell you what to do or else you're out of the game.

Tiffany means "Diamonds are a girl's best friend"
Tim is down the well and Lassie must rescue him.

Uriah is in a Heap of trouble.

Zacharias is one of several Christian names for "Hacky Zach".
Zion is a combination of Zoo and Lion and means, "Big-hearted straw man who wishes he had a brain."


There you have it, a completely incomplete list of meanings of Christian names. Take what you will and leave the rest. And, if your name happens to be on this page, my apologies right now for the offense.

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